Work with who you are, where you are and what you have
A month of exploring what rest looks like for me
It feels quite ironic that I’d planned to write about rest in a month where I’ve been juggling so much I’m three quarters of the way through before getting this published! Back in winter when I was planning this project out, I optimistically and naively thought August would be a slower more restful month, forgetting that since littleun started school five years ago this has never been the case! Also forgetting that last year my summer goal was just to start September not feeling completely wiped out, after having ended up completely exhausted and struggling to work post-summer in the years before.
Back in mid-July I actually thought I had enough prepped that I’d have no problem getting this post published at the beginning of this month, even with the unpredictability of school holiday mumming and all the other stuff going on. But, as always, I’d forgotten how hard it can be to find an hour or two in the middle of it all where both my brain and my environment are quiet enough for me to get writing. So it’s a ‘better very late than never’ scenario this month!
If nothing else I can say that I am walking my talk this month - working with who I am, where I am and what I have. Right now that looks like me keeping my promise to myself of seeing this project through to the end even if it’s not happening on the schedule I’d like!
I’ve never been very good at resting… or what I thought resting looks like. It takes me longer to run a bath than I will last sitting in it, before I’m bored and itching to get out. The only times I can nap is if I’m having a fatigue flare and can’t do anything else. Even chilling on the sofa watching telly, I have to be doing something with my hands to help me focus and give my brain a break from thinking about twenty different things at once. I do enjoy meditation and yoga, but it’s also something I also find challenging with my ADHD, and when I’m doing it at home all I can manage is 20 minutes at most.
For me, and I think the wider world, there’s a big overlap between our attitude to rest and joy. So alongside realising that it was important to make space for joy in my life, I also realised I needed to learn how to rest.
At first I felt like I was just rubbish at resting. But I have gradually realised that my version of rest might look different to what we’re told rest is. In recent years it’s been recognising that for me crafts like crochet or embroidery can be a form of rest for me. Reading is rest, although it’s something I easily fall out of the habit of doing. Yoga and meditation is still restful even if I’m only doing 20 minutes of it. Anything that calms my nervous system can potentially be restful for me.
We talk lots about getting rest, but it feels like we don’t talk much about what rest actually is. Isn’t it to do with what replenishes us and regulates us to support our nervous system. For some people that might be napping, taking a bath or doing a long meditation. But for others those things actually create stress and anxiety.
Writing this post got me curious about what the actual definition of rest is in the dictionary…
Cambridge Dictionary - “to (cause someone or something to) stop doing a particular activity or stop being active for a period of time in order to relax and get back your strength”
Collins Dictionary - “If you rest or if you rest your body, you do not do anything active for a time”
I think dictionary definitions can sometimes shine a light on our social conditioning, and I think we’re surrounded by ideas of rest that can be very narrow and not actually restful for all of us. I also think we need different types of rest at different times, and last week I just so happened to see this post by Dr. Raquel Martin that built on this.
She talks about how getting effective rest is linked to recognising the type of rest you need - mental rest, social rest, sensory rest, emotional rest or spiritual rest. I really recommend giving this very short video that Raquel shared a quick watch…
We grew up with the idea that rest is stopping all activity. But if the purpose of rest is to replenish your energy/strength then it’s about knowing yourself and what replenishes you. And as Raquel points out, it’s also understanding the type of tiredness you’re experiencing and what it is that you need a rest from, and then doing it in a way that works for you.
The past few years I’ve been disentangling myself from the capitalist conditioning that shapes most of our lives. Similar to what I talked about in my Fight for Joy post, rest was also something that we were taught was earned through productivity. It’s been wild unlearning that idea the past few years - recognising that we’ve been conditioned to forget that resting is a basic human need, a human right and a function designed by nature.
There is a huge overlap between attitudes to rest and joy. They are both seen as something that we earn, and yet they are something we should all be doing regardless of how hard we’ve worked. Because we are human and if we don’t rest we end up getting sick.
Yet getting enough rest is a privilege, and something that is incredibly challenging for a huge number of people. We live in a world where for a large number of people working full-time doesn’t afford them the basics. People are under constant pressure to do more than they have the capacity for just to have a roof over their heads, put food on the table and pay their bills. We live in a culture of burnout and rising levels of ill health.
And as I talked about with joy - the answer to this for those of us who do have the privilege to rest more, is not to feel guilty about it. It’s to appreciate the rest, have the rest we need and use that ability to rest to help make things better for others.
Even those who have the privilege of financial security and time to rest have been conditioned into a level of busy-ness where they don’t recognise they can choose to rest. We’re drawing in a society that worships productivity and efficiency, and sees the need to rest as a weakness. So even those who can look after themselves better have been conditioned to feel like it’s unacceptable for them to pause long enough to actually get the rest they need.
It took me a while to decide what this month’s quote should be and I decided to go for work with who you are, where you are and what you’ve got
I wanted to recognise both the importance of rest and the privilege of rest in our society. We should all be getting enough rest to not burnout and get sick, but that isn’t always possible, so when it comes to resting - and I’d argue our approach to life in general - we need to work with who we are, where you are and what you have.
If we can recognise the type of rest we are in need of, know what type of resting works for us and then look at what space we have in our lives for rest right now, we can replenish ourselves as best we can.
Perhaps it should have been REST with who you are, where you are and what you have - but considering how long it’s taken me to get this post out as it is, redoing the quote would mean you wouldn’t get this post until September! So we’re going with what I already created… along with the irony that a quote that’s meant to be about rest has the word work in it! Maybe those of us who have read this post can see that word ‘work’ in this context as a reminder of our conditioning and why it is so hard for us to rest sometimes!!!
If you have thoughts after reading this please do leave a comment and I’ll reply! And don’t forget to subscribe to read more about this in my reflections at the end of the month!
This post is part of a series exploring how I can be a better friend to myself throughout this year.
Rest is a foundation of strength, healing and renewal
The birthstone for August is the Peridot - a symbol of strength, healing and renewal. I’d argue that none of those are possible without rest. Resting gives us strength, supports our healing and renewal happens as we rest. And yet we live in a world where getting adequate rest is a privilege. So while we fight for the right for everyone to have the safety and resources that will help more people get more rest, we need to be resting as best we can to have the strength and capacity to keep fighting for change. We need to rest the best we can knowing who we are, where we are and what we have.
If you fancy surrounding yourself with reminders to be a better friend to yourself you can find the August downloadable goodies for paid subscribers over here. They are my monthly thank you to those of you who are able to give a little financial support towards my creative adventures!
Refresh and renew in green
Every month I create a birthstone pattern collection to go alongside my monthly posts and this month it’s a vision in green! You’ll find all my birthstone designs through to September in my Spoonflower shop, with October-December coming soon!
As always these patterns are available as fabric, on home decor items and as wallpaper…
What’s your relationship with rest? Do you get enough? Do you find resting challenging? What kind of rest works for you? I’d really love to hear your thoughts on what I’ve shared in this post so please do share them in the comments…
I’ll be back at the end of the month (or more likely early September) with a few more thoughts on working with who I am, where I am and what I have. Until then take care and try to be a good friend to yourself…
